Heavy Hearts...

  I feel like every time I read the news, I am left feeling...well, genuinely sad 
about the world we live in. Everyday, there are nothing but endless stories 
filled with pain and sorrow. I, for one, am tired of it. It's truly a sad day 
when you are ashamed to be a part of society. When did this happen? How did this 
happen? And more importantly, have we been on a steady downward spiral for God 
knows how long and I've been too blind to notice? 

 Here is a picture of yours truly at the ripe old age of 14. When I look at this 
picture, I recall my years as a leopard at Lakeridge Junior High School. A time 
when my biggest concern in life was forgetting my gym shoes and having to wear 
mismatched, size 9 beauties that called the lost and found home. I had my whole 
life ahead of me (and God willing, I still do!) Did I get made fun of? Sure! I 
mean, look at that hair! ;) Everyone, at one point or another, has been made fun 
of. Was I teased? You betcha. However...was I bullied? No. I am lucky enough to 
say that I wasn't. And for this I am grateful. I never experienced being afraid 
to go to school. I never experienced being torn down by my peers to the point 
that I actually started to believe the horrible things that were said about me. 

 Just as I believe that nearly everyone has been on the receiving end of teasing 
at some point in their lives, I also believe the majority of us have also taken 
part in doing the teasing as well. I will be the first to admit that I did my 
share of cracking jokes at others' expense, and making fun of my peers. But I 
don't feel as though I ever bullied. And for that I am also grateful. However, 
who's to say that in someone else's eyes I wasn't a "bully?" Who's to say that 
when I was laughing about something as trivial as someone's shoes, they weren't 
taking it to heart?  It starts with shoes, but could very well escalate to 
attacking their character. It's all about perception. Who was I to laugh at a 
pair of shoes?! I wore high tops that were older than I was, and about 6 sizes 
too big for crying out loud! My point being, that as innocent as it may be, 
teasing and poking fun can do more damage than we can ever dream.

 Having a child growing up in this day and age scares the hell out of me. Kids 
are cruel, to say the least. I just can't decide if kids really are just getting 
more mean and more hateful with every passing year, or if it's just thrown into 
the public eye more via social media outlets. Either way, it haunts me to my 
very core.  Naturally, I want to protect my daughter from...well, everything. 
However, realistically, I know that's not something I am going to be able to do. 
In reality, the only thing I'm able to do is teach her love, respect, and 
acceptance. How do I do that you ask? That's a great question! The answer is: To 
lead her by example. 

Bullies become bullies for a reason. We aren't always aware of the situation 
these kids are exposed to at home, therefore we cannot continue to think they 
just came into this world as rotten little people.  It is my opinion that if we  
exude nothing but love and acceptance to our children, they will do the same.  
Monkey see monkey do, if you will. 

It has been a sad weekend in Utah. The reason behind this rant is a 14 year old 
boy named David Phan. Like many other kids, David was bullied at school. The 
taunting and teasing became too much for him, and tragically, he chose to take 
his own life. Could David's family prevent the bullying from taking place? No, I 
don't think they could have. However, I firmly believe that if David's family was 
aware of the trouble he was experiencing, they could've changed his opinion of 
himself. To value his own self worth. I am experiencing so much sorrow for this 
family, and for so many other families that have had this happen to them.

 It is time for a change. It is time for us, society as a whole, to step up and 
do what is right. There can't be a change until we make that change. Tonight, I 
started doing something with Jaylinne that I am going to continue to do. I sat 
her in front of a mirror (actually, it was my iPhone camera with the lens facing 
us) and named 5 things I love about her. In turn, I also asked her to name 5 
things she loves and values about herself. Consequently, my five year old now 
thinks her mom is completely nuts :) I can't change the way other people view 
her, but I can change the way she views herself. I hope she never feels in her 
heart the sorrow and pain that so many other kids feel each day. 

To those kids I say: It gets better! School is such a small, insignificant part 
of your life. You ARE loved, and you ARE valued. Don't let anyone ever make you 
feel like you are anything less than amazing.  Please talk to someone! There ARE 
people who care about you, and you don't have to go through this alone.

                                                            Photo Credit: Salt Lake Tribune                                               Rest in peace, David. I hope that you have found the peace in your heart you were searching for. I am devastated for your family, and am so sorry for their loss. May your death not be in vain, and this tragic event open the eyes of people all around the world. You will be missed.